Just a Thought! - 27 August 2012

"He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly." (Proverbs 14:29)

Following our short study on the tongue and the effects of our speech, our study of the book of Proverbs now naturally flows into the next subject that is so closely related to our speech - anger.

How Long is your Fuse?

Just a short time in peak hour traffic is enough to spark anger. From taxi's suddenly stopping without warning, to those in the fancy cars driving as though they own the roads, all of us have had some experience of seeing a many a driver flaring up with outbursts of anger. Maybe you have been guilty of it yourself? Add to this the pressures of life at the office, badly behaved children, irritable spouses and load shedding, it is evident that many people have anger issues. Just listen to the conversations around a braai or even at your next Christian Men's breakfast, and hear the frustrations and expressions of anger expressed my many people today.

The question however is this, how short is your fuse? Is it so short that the slightest issue causes you to flare up and explode in anger? Or is your fuse long enough to give you time to deal with the issue in a reasonable, godly way? I think most of us have a bit of both. I some situations we explode as if the fuse is none existent, while in other situations we can be as cool as a cucumber and respond with wisdom.

Understanding and Anger are Related

In our verse above Solomon tells us that there is a direct relationship between anger and understanding. Those that are quick tempered do not think about the issues or people before them. They do not put themselves in the other person's shoes to try and understand things from their side. Instead, they react as though it is all about them. As if the other person did not in any way think about them before they said or did what they did.

In some instances this may be true. There are times when the other person did not think about others when they acted. We see this in traffic all the time. People drive as if they are the only ones on the road and that the other vehicles are merely obstacles to avoid. However, there are also people in traffic who are dealing with tough issues in their lives, such as rushing home to a sick child, and as a result they are not thinking, not because they choose not to, but because they are preoccupied with something close to their hearts.

The same is true for may scenarios in life. Though this may not excuse them in all circumstances, it does give us a taste of how knowledge affects our anger. When you understand more about what a person is going through, you tend to be more tolerant of what they say or do.

Application

So then how do we apply this in our lives? Especially when we are confronted with people and situations where it is impossible to know what is going on in the other person's life. I think that the key is to understand that no one is perfect, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23), and to remember that the world does not revolve around you. When we come understand those two points alone, we will begin to see other people and their situations differently.

So next time someone says or does something that seems to spark your fuse, stop and think, and if possible, try to understand things from their perspective. Ask them questions about how things are and support them and pray for them where necessary. But think also if maybe there was something that you did that could have caused the problem. We so often blame others for things and get angry at them, meanwhile the problem began with us one way or another. And if that be the case, go to them and ask for forgiveness. Maybe they were acting out in anger towards you.

After all, as Solomon points out, to react quickly in anger shows more our lack of wisdom than anything else.

Just a Thought!

© 2012

Just a Thought! - 20 August 2012

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." (Proverbs 16:21)

In our final study of the tongue, we discover what the effects are of wise speech.

God is the Judge

One of the things we need to remember is that at the end of the day, God is ultimately the judge of what we say. We have already seen from Matthew 12:34 that what we say is a revelation of that which is in our hearts, however, if you read further in Matthew 12, you read the following, "But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgement. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned" (vv36-37).

The Greek word for careless above (argon) means more than just careless, but includes hurtful, evil, useless, and false. That means, everything that we say that could do any possible harm to someone, we will have to give an account for. Whether it be something hurtful and spiteful, or a little white lie that we tell in order to "protect" someone or ourselves - all our careless speech will be judged.

But on the other end, even our good words will be judged, and as these verses promise, we will be justified by them. We need to remember that God's standard for our speech is greater than ours. We may think that there is nothing wrong in telling a little lie in order to protect someone we love, but God's standard is different, and we will have to give an account to Him at the judgement.

Why is This Important?

But why is it important to remember that God is the judge of our words? Well, remember how we began our study of the book of Proverbs, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge" (Proverbs 1:7)? When we fear the Lord the way we ought to, our attitudes, thoughts, actions, and words change. When we realise that we are going to have to give an account before God, we will begin to keep a control over our tongue, and when we do that, we will begin to see changes not only in our lives, but in the lives of those around us.

Potential Effects

Are you having trouble in some of your relationships with people? A spouse? Children? Co-workers? Consider how you speak to them currently.

For example: do you sometimes express displeasure at your child's achievements? Such as earning a B on an exam and not an A? Now imagine what they could be like in twenty years time if you continue that way. They may grow feeling as though nothing they do is good enough for you. That they are worthless and may possibly lose all desire to try and succeed in whatever they do.

What about your spouse? When things get tough and they seem to be annoying you, how do you respond? Do you call them derogatory names, speak in harsh tones, and fail to communicate unconditional love to them? If so, then you are doing more damage to your relationship than good. There is no way that you are going to be able to have a marriage that people are going to admire.

We may want our children to achieve more, and we may become angry at times, but we need to make sure that when we do, we are careful with our words. At the judgement, when God challenges us on our use of words to our spouses or children, what are we going to say to Him? I fear that there will be no answer that we can give that will by suitable, and as Matthew 12:37 points out, we may stand condemned before God.

I encourage you today to remember who will ultimately judge your speech, and to put a guard on your words so that you can begin to see the benefits today that will have an eternal effect.

Just a Thought!

© 2012

Just a Thought! - 13 August 2012

"Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances. Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear." (Proverbs 25:11-12)

As we continue our look at the tongue and our speech as it is considered in the Book of Proverbs, we look at the fourth aspect that is as just as important as all the issues we have already looked at - the issue of timing. After all, what difference does it make if you exercise self control and watch what you say, and how you say it, but say things at the wrong time?

Bad Timing

Imagine you pay your doctor a visit after exhibiting some worrying pain and symptoms in your stomach. He listens to your symptoms, sympathises with your aches and pains, does some basic tests in his rooms, and then sits down behind his desk and proceeds to give you his prognosis. What follows is the worst possible news you could ever receive, as he lovingly, and inoffensively says, "I am sorry sir, I am afraid you have cancer of the bowel."

You break down in front of him. After you compose yourself a little you ask him how bad it is and what you need to do. He tells you that there is no hope and that you have only a matter of months to live. However, he would like to send you for some blood tests to see whether or not the cancer has affected anything else in your body. You leave his rooms completely destroyed. You do not know how you are going to tell your loved ones, and start to make plans in your mind on how to tie up your estate.

You go for your blood tests and a week later the results come back confirming the cancer. But the news is not what you first heard from the doctor, for when you visit him a few days later he tells you that he was right about you having cancer, but he was wrong about the severity of it. He says that through some basic treatments you should be able to beat the cancer and that you could still be able to live to a ripe old age.

Well-Timed Wisdom

This simple illustration gives you a hint at how bad timing can destroy. The same is true with our words of wisdom. Though we may have the basic facts and desire to be honest with a person about something, we need to think about our timing. Knowing the right time that someone is ready to hear your wise, well-thought out, loving words, is a sign of godly wisdom. Telling someone what they need to hear when they are not ready to hear it could potentially destroy them.

Another aspect to consider alongside timing is setting. After all, a dinner party is not the right setting for your doctor to tell you that you have cancer. The setting that you use to share you message is of equal importance.

Consider All the Factors

A truly wise person will consider all of the factors regarding their speech: wording, non-verbal communication, tone, truthfulness, love, timing and setting. Any of these factors can affect the message.

Though this may seem obvious in certain situations, like inviting your family to your wedding via a proper invite or at a special dinner as opposed to a funeral, there are many times when a badly chosen time and setting can negate your message.

We need to exercise consideration for what other people are going through before we share our message.

So next time you have something important to say to someone, whether it be bad news, a correction, a sermon, or simply words of love, think about whether or not it is the right time and/or setting to say it. After all, when you put yourself in their shoes, would you not prefer that they told you at the right time and in the right place?

Just a Thought!

© 2012

Just a Thought! - 6 August 2012

"There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." (Proverbs 12:18)

In our journey in looking at our speech in the book of Proverbs, we come to the third important aspect of speech - How we should speak. It is not enough to restrain our tongue, nor is it enough to only speak the wisdom of God, it is also important how we say the things that we should be saying.

Death by the Sword

I do not think that any of us would ever justify the killing of another person by the sword. But how many times do our words cut through the the heart of a person and destroy them? We may say the right things, but we say them in a manner that destroys.

For example, it is right to say that we are all sinners and do not deserve to go to Heaven, and that the only way to eternal life is through Jesus. However, these words can have a number of responses, positive or negative, depending on how you say it. You can say it in a way that causes a conviction within one's spirit that turns them towards the Gospel, or you can say it tactlessly that makes people turn their backs on Christianity and want to have nothing to do with it. This is a truth that we need to remember in evangelism situations. We need to tell the truth, but we need to make sure that we do not say it in a manner that will cause destruction of a person.

Gentle Words

Probably one of the most well-known proverbs concerning the tongue is Proverbs 15:1, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." It always takes two people to have a disagreement, and during such times, it so often happens that one person says something that later they wished they had not said. Something that cut to the heart of the other person and caused some damage. This is often worsened by the other person when they respond in a like manner, which only adds fuel to the fire.

It is difficult on many of these occasions to keep a tight reign on one's tongue and not to say harsh things. When we have been hurt by something someone has said or done to us, it is so easy to react with harsh words. However, if we live a life that is filled with the wisdom of God that we learn about in His Word, as we seek His face in prayer, and earnestly work at growing our relationship with Him, it becomes so much easier to say things in a more loving way.

As we grow in our love for Christ, the more the love will show in our relationships with others. Think about how Jesus showed His love to the people around Him as He walked this earth. Even though He was God in the flesh, He showed His love firstly to the Father by obeying His commands, seeking His face in prayer, and doing the very things that He saw His Father doing. As a result, Jesus expressed love for the people like no other person ever has, or ever will.

The same is true for us. If we learn to love God the same way Jesus loves His Father, that love will fuel our love for others and the words that we speak, though they may be hard for people to swallow, will be expressions of our love.

Watch How You Speak

So as you go about your life, think about how you speak to people. No matter who they are, or how they have treated you in the past, the way you speak to them today will have an influence on them for the future. Earnestly desire to speak in a manner that gives life, that provide healing in the midst of hurt, and that build up and encourage.

You will be surprised at the results, but more on that at a later stage.

Just a Thought!

© 2012