"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Proverbs 15:1)
Though we have already explored the effects of our words in a previous study, let us look at it specifically in terms of anger.
Thoughts Become Words, Become Actions, Become Habits
In the movie, The Iron Lady, the character Margaret Thatcher said, "Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become your character. And watch your character, for it becomes your destiny." In the context of anger, this is certainly true, for our character is often manifest in times of anger, not only in our words, but in our actions too.
Imagine for a moment what could happen if you are filled with anger on the inside, thinking angry thoughts about people and situations, and then those thoughts become expressed as words towards others. Imagine if those same thoughts and words then became actions. The results could be devastating, not only to the people it is expressed to, but also for yourself. The anger begins to eat you up, it destroys your relationships with others, you become so critical of everyone and everything that no-one wants to talk to you. It even goes so far as to destroy your relationship with God.
But as the quote from The Iron Lady above shows, those things then become habits. It becomes a way of life that you cannot seem to escape from.
Keep Your Cool
Therefore, before anger can become a way of life that destroys our relationships, we need to put a reign on our anger before it manifests itself. In our verse in Proverbs above, we are urged to do that at the point of the tongue. We need to keep our cool when things around us are not as they should be. When others express anger towards us, we need to keep our cool and not answer back in anger.
However, "a gentle answer" also implies a gentle tone of voice. It is not enough to use gentle words, but if we say them in a manner that is harsh, we can cause just as much, if not more, damage than words themselves. In all speech, whether face-to-face, on the telephone, or in public speaking, we need to keep our cool in how and what we say when angry.
But it this is often easier said than done. How do we stop our tongue before we cause any damage? By filling our lives with the Word of God, prayer, and the power of the Holy Spirit. At the end of the day, anger is a choice. We either choose to be angry and express it vehemently towards others, or we choose to be loving so as not express anger in destructive ways. Anger is not a sin, and there are times when anger is necessary, but it is how we express it that can sinful by bringing about destruction or loving as it builds up.
Jesus Our Example
Jesus Himself became angry, but He did not allow His anger to fill Him with such rage that He went out and expressed it in hurtful ways. Jesus expressed His anger rather in ways that built up and brought about positive change. Is that not what you truly want? Do you not desire to see positive change in others? Gentle answers will not only stop anger from manifesting itself in us, but it will also turn away the anger of the other person. It will stop them in their tracks and make them think and probably even start to respond to you in a less angry manner.
The next time you find yourself filled with anger or in an angry, tense situation, stop and think about your response. Are you responding in anger that uses hurtful words and actions, or are you using a gentle approach that is filled with words and tones that build up and not destroy?
Just a Thought!
© 2012
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